Coffee, Cats, & Champagne

A girl and her golden

June 29, 2025Family, life1 Comment

I guess I need to change my blog name.

In November 2024, Tyler and I added a dog to our family. An English Cream Golden Retriever named Gryffin.

Yes, we are millennials. Yes, he’s named after Gryffindor from Harry Potter- also yes he has the Gryffindor harness and all the Harry Potter Bark toys. It does make me gleeful when he plays with his Dobby toy or Remberall. Learn to embrace your cringy, embarrassing self, life’s so much more fun.

See Gryffindor harness and original Snuggle puppy

I always thought dogs were too much work, and never got the “dog thing”. I never had one growing up because my parents worked so much and they didn’t feel it was right to keep a dog in a crate all day. Cats were easy. They need food, water, a litter box and love when they deem you as important.

I was terrified of the work and dedication it came to getting a dog. The training, the cleaning, that you can’t just leave them alone because they need to go outside. Dogs don’t give you the freedom of being gone all day. It has been a lifestyle adjustment. If we want to be gone we need a dog-sitter.

We did our research on the breed, we knew what we were getting into. We’d planned on getting a Golden before our wedding. Spent years while dating fighting over a breed until we actually saw an English Cream while we were out.

Gryffin picked us. He kept coming over to us. When we went to pick out our puppy, we had first choice. That was one of the most difficult decisions of my life, as we were put into a pen with 6 puppies. Planning my wedding was easier.

We kept reaching out to all the puppies. Some were still asleep, and some would come up to us and want to play. While I was holding one in my lap, Tyler reached out to Gryffin and he rested his head right into his hand. At that moment, Tyler put him into my lap and I fell in love.

We took him along with a few of his brothers outside, and while the other puppies played, Gryffin kept coming over and sitting in front of us. It was at that moment that we knew that he chose us.

He rode in my lap the whole ride home. With his Snuggle puppy that he still carries around to this day that I got his brothers and sisters scent on. It’s hard to believe now because he’s half my weight and he’s just under nine months.

We’re in the bittersweet spot where he’s losing his puppy features but he’s turning into a beautiful and great dog. I can’t wait until his full coat or “feathering” comes in.

I took a few days off work when we first got him so that I could get him used to us and the cats. He was house trained within a week. We crate trained. He started sleeping through the nights relatively quickly. Albeit, It was very unfortunate when he had tummy issues the second week when Tyler had his wisdom teeth removed and was out of commission. I was up every hour on the dot with a 9 week old puppy outside in the freezing pouring rain.

He knows to wait for the ok to eat or go outside. My husband is the genius at dog training. Gryffin knows a lot of tricks. He generally is on a loose leash. He looks regal and goofy at the same time.

I finally understood the dog thing a week into getting him. He was cuddling next to me on the couch and looked up with me with those brown golden retriever eyes-they’re the worst. Pure love and admiration.

“Anyone needing a self-esteem boost should adopt a Golden Retriever, I thought. Then, for a healthy dose of humility, a cat.” – Lori Roberts Herbst

I realized quickly I had a rapidly growing puppy who thinks he’s a lap dog and wants to be with me ALL the time. He’s basically a 55lb toddler now. He runs like a cheetah and will do it for hours. I can’t take him running with me yet because he’s a large breed and his joints are still growing. He has no grace. He will run straight into a wall. He’s finally getting the concept of fetch. The cheese and ice tax is paid often.

He goes almost everywhere with us. Dog friendly stores, restaurants, etc. I vacuum “golden glitter” aka dog fur out of my house and my car basically two to three times a week.

We walk 3-4 miles a day, he wears crocs now because I don’t want his toe pads to burn. We get stopped for pictures. He’s always smiling.

He lifts my spirits and lightens my heart. He knows when I’m upset or sick. For every tear shed, his loyalty is there to lick it away.

The velociraptor teeth phase was rough. He recently decided he’s terrified by the trash can so he won’t go in the kitchen. The amount of energy this dog has is extraordinary. While he’s mostly great with walks, he is a large dog (and still growing) if he does see a squirrel and gets the desire to chase he’s dragging me. Yes, he’s chewed shoes. And my cardigan. That one hurt. It was cute and so lightweight but warm. However, he’s still a puppy.

We still go into timeout and we know what the words mean and will sometimes try to run away when they are spoken. Also, my the dark brown puppy eyes!

He’s become a begger and my husband has made it worse by teaching him the command to beg where he sits up on his back paws. He mainly performs this trick for plain spaghetti noodles.

I ended up buying a second snuggle puppy because he can’t sleep without snuggles and when he was teething he bled all over Original Snuggles and no sleep was had in our house that night.

The way he wants to make us happy is just incredible.

To a golden retriever, every new person is a friend. Every walk is an adventure, every moment is a reason to be happy. He makes me enjoy my life more. He simply goes along looking for joy in every situation. He finds happiness in the tiniest things. Getting a blueberry, chasing snowflakes (we can’t get him out of the snow), finding a stick, his lamb chop toy, a tennis ball, tummy pats, a pup cup. He has no worries.

The lesson he’s taught me is love is shown, not spoken.

In case you were wondering, he loves the cats. They tolerate him. They love to get him to chase them then go in the room blocked off by a baby gate where he can’t get to them. Oreo and Marvel are beginning to play with him. My cats are still my babies too. They still get as much love and attention as they used too. They’re all spoiled.

When the world around me is going crazy, and I am losing faith in humanity, I just have to take one look at my Golden Retriever and know that God still exists.

“Once someone has had good fortune to share a true love affair with a Golden Retriever, one’s life and one’s outlook is never quite the same.” – Betty White

Your resident cat lady is now a dog mama and I couldn’t be happier. I’m just a little bit upset he’s blonder than me.

Home is where the golden is.

Until next time, cheers🥂🍾

@gryffin_the_cream_retriever

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A tale of Garfield and Gadgets

August 4, 2024FamilyWrite a comment

My mom and I visited my grandfather last weekend. It’s around a four to five hour drive for us both ways. Distance doesn’t matter when someone means so much.

My Papa is 86 years young. He lives independently in the house he had built in the 80’s on a little less than three acres. He’s highly intelligent and keeps his mind busy and is relatively healthy other than he is losing sight in one of his eyes. He’s the only grandparent I have left.

I had six to start. My mom’s parents got divorced when she was in high school and they both eventually remarried. Both of their spouses treated me and loved me like I was their blood. They didn’t have to do that, they chose to.

In 2011, a few months after starting college we lost my mom’s stepfather. In 2015, unexpected we lost my grandmother on my father’s side. Almost exactly a year later, we lost my Papa on my father’s side; also unexpectedly. Most people hate 2020 due to the pandemic. I’ll admit it wasn’t my favorite. Though, 2019 was worse for me. In January, we lost my grandma who was married to my Papa and to bookend the year, we lost my mother’s mother in December. The only saving grace for 2019 was I met my husband.

I also assume this was my Papa’s worst year. He loved both of my grandmother’s even though he and my mother’s mom had been divorced for over thirty years.

My Papa has lived a long and eventful life. He had a career as an engineer and worked for a major company. He invented things ahead of their time. Things we now use everyday. He has travelled all over the world for work and pleasure. I actually have two photo albums in my living room from the 80’s when my grandparents travelled around Asia.

He has the funniest stories from his work travels with powerful businessman in different countries. He has stories with my grandmother from some of those trips as and their trips to Europe. Every time I see him, I absorb this history. One day I want to pass these stories down and it’s my role to do that.

He keeps his mind going. He spends most of the day analyzing finances and investing. Whenever I’m looking to buy, I ask him. He looks at data over decades to decide what he wants to pursue. He knows the latest technologies and who the players in the game are. He knew who Elon Musk was before I did.

He still goes after his passions, such as Ham Radio. When I was little, he would let my cousins and me goon his channel and talk to people. He built me a morse code machine in elementary school and taught me how to use it. My grandparents used to volunteer at a kids discovery center and he would teach kids about technology.

Before he started to lose his sight, when things stopped working he would take them apart. He wanted to figure out how they worked. I remember my grandmother telling me he was dissecting her electric toothbrush in his workshop because it had died. Simply because the engineering of the machine and inter-workings was intriguing to him. Mainly because when he started his career computers were in large warehouses, now you have it in your hand.

I have so many memories with my grandparents that I cherish. In his house, sitting on his lap with his player piano. With my grandmother, when I helped her do laundry and she told me about the paper dolls she had as a child, which were her equivalent to American Girl Dolls. Them coming up to every dance recital or competition (way too many). Meeting them with my mom, aunt, and cousins at Cici’s pizza (are they still around?) and them going hunting at a thrift stores.

My cousins and I would take turns riding in the passenger seat of his 1930’s MG style replica car (could be off on the decade and make) with him in the drivers seat going around the curves and hills of the woods. He and grandma used to drive that car in the St Patrick’s day parades.

He used to collect Garfields. Garfield was published on June 19, 1978 by Jim Davis. My Papa goes by Jim and his birthday in June 19th. I think at one point he had over a thousand Garfield items in his home (many of which were given to him by my family or his friends). He could buy anything he wanted, therefore we got him novelty Garfields.

I remember when his office was covered in so many Garfield plushies. When I was little I used to be in awe of all of them. I also had an orang tabby and I thought the coincidence was so cool. I think he even had a Garfield phone and lamp. He donated most of his Garfield collection to Habitat for Humanity so that they could be sold to help build homes for deserving people when my grandmother was becoming ill. He kept a few key pieces. I have a Garfield poster in my office from his office.

Papa gave me a book he purchased off of eBay. He said he noticed I use many quotes in my blog. It’s The Prentice-Hall Encyclopedia of World Proverbs by Wolfgang Miedler. Miedler took 18,520 proverbs from continents and most languages around the world and translated them into the English language for this resource. I wanted to look up Grandparent, there wasn’t one; there was one for Grandchild. I laughed when I saw the root language of Japanese. Papa spent many of his years traveling back and forth to Japan for work and loves their culture, he even took some courses on the language in the 80’s.

“The first grandchild is more beloved than one’s own child.” I was the first grandchild on my mother’s side. My parents have pictures of all of my grandparents in the hospital holding me. In fact, my mother’s mom was the first person to hold me. My Papa would’ve been 54 about to turn 55 (if I can do math correctly) in the photos of him. He retired from his company the next year to spend time with his family.

I can’t say if that proverb is true or not. Papa loves his daughters and my cousins. He does what he can for all of us. He has gone above and beyond to help us all. He helped with my college education which I am forever grateful for. My parents and I were not planning on him helping. I was applying for loans when he gave me a check at my high school graduation. He stated he made a promise to himself to help his grandchildren with their education and he was keeping that promise

When we were planning our wedding, a big consideration into our venue was the accessibility to the people we wanted to actually be there. Growing up, I always wanted a Disney wedding in front of the castle. That dream got bigger when I worked there in the college program and saw brides getting out of a pumpkin carriage. Number one, I didn’t want to spend the equivalent of a four bedroom home on my wedding. Number two, it’s a lot to ask people to travel to Florida from different states and pay for exorbitantly expensive prices for hotel rooms for one day for Tyler and me.

We ended up finding the perfect venue that screamed “us” within a reasonable distance of where most of our core group could make it. It was about two hours from my Papa’s house. An old family friend agreed to drive him so he wouldn’t have to make the drive.

I danced with Papa at my wedding. I chose “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton. My bustle came undone during our dance and he picked up my cathedral length train and put it over his shoulder to continue dancing. It was not a planned moment but a great funny memory. At the end of the dance, he hugged me and said words that I think about everyday. He told me “my prayer is that you are always as happy as you are in this moment”.

I think my bridesmaids all danced with Papa at the wedding. One bridesmaid convince him to get up and dance with her when the Krispy Kreme flambé station was open. He danced with her while holding a donut. The photo is one of my favorites. He looks so happy. She loves him from that encounter and what they spoke about.

He’s a grumpy old Irish man and proud of it. He’d be disappointed if I didn’t write that about him. He has an “Irish Pub” in his basement. Decorated with pieces from his Ireland trips. It’s stocked with wine, whisk(e)y, and scotch. His favorite is The Famous Grouse scotch whisky. During his travels to that area, that’s what the locals drank.

I work from home and I have the sit-to-stand desk setup with an ergonomic chair, walking pad, and multiple monitors. Very modern. In that room, I also have a wooden doll tricycle my Papa made back in the 90’s (my guess). When I’m having a bad day I look at the tricycle and remember what Papa told me at my wedding. There’s something about the stark contrast of the vintage tricycle with the contemporary furniture and high tech things that I love.

That’s life though isn’t it? A stark contrast over time. Moving forward. Adapting to the changing world while keeping your values and trying to remember the old things, the nostalgia.

In March, Papa gave me this little nugget of insight. I told him when I was younger, each day and year seemed to go by so slowly. Now it feels that time is flying by. He said that’s because when you are little an hour, a day, or a year is a greater proportion of your life. For example, if you’re ten years old, one year is one-tenth of the life you’ve lived. As you age, each year is a lesser proportion of your life. It goes by relatively quicker. It was an interesting way to think about it aging and the concept of time.

My whole family is traveling to see my Papa again in a few weeks. It’s difficult to get a bunch of grown adults in different areas with different schedules to agree on a time and place. I’m excited to see everyone, some we haven’t seen since our wedding. We’ll be making on of my Papa’s favorite recipes and it should be a great time.

All my grandparents made it a goal to be in my life. They did things for me when I didn’t realize it. I now understand how loved I was by so many wonderful people.

Being part of a family means you are part of something wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life. No matter what. Sometimes in this busy world, we forget the simple things that are important and we need to take a step back to remember what truly matters.

Until next time, cheers🥂🍾

Family life Love Support

Grace upon Grace

July 12, 2024Faith, Hard Stuff, lifeWrite a comment

If you’ve read anything I’ve written, it’s obvious I’m Christian. I’m not the kind that is knocking on peoples doors to “save them”. You do you. Your belief system may be different from mine. That’s ok. I won’t sit here and argue with anyone about who’s right or wrong because it will accomplish nothing. I also fully respect and have researched other religions and find many aspects fascinating.

My father, husband, and I have a wonderful friend who we’ll call Paul. He works with soldiers who have PTSD and counsels them. Paul’s one of the most insightful and intelligent men I’ve ever met.

We unexpectedly ran into each other a few weekends ago and got lunch. I mentioned to him that I have been working to have a better mindset for myself. I know I’m my own worst enemy.

He advised me that I strive for too much and for perfection and I want everything right now because I am human. The job will come, the money will come, the health will come, but it won’t happen in my timeline. Good things take time.

We discussed that I’m in the position I am in to be able to give back and help other people. He brought up “Matthew 5:48: Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Many churches and Christians will interpret this and say as long as you believe in the lord and everything in your life will be all good, and you should act only as the Lord does, strive to be as great as God. He essentially stated sometimes along the lines of “God alone is perfect. We are imperfect beings that can strive for excellence, but we should leave perfection to God.”

Paul’s issue with most people’s interpretation of this verse is you can’t be as great as God. We are made of his image, but we are humans, we are sinners, we all take wrong turns. Instead of striving to be perfect, which will never happen. You should continue to try your best and do the best you can to your capability.

I’ve been ruminating on this one. I’ve always been a “perfectionist”. Perfection isn’t reality, and it’s a concept I need to let go of. When it does all go wrong outside my control or if I make a mistake, it’s ok because there is no light without darkness.

Tyler and I threw a party last Saturday for the Fourth. Paul and I continued our conversation from our prior encounter on my back deck and got super deep.

He had me realize what I’ve gone through and overcome is because I’m valuable. You don’t attack someone who is no threat to you. You attack the person who can deal you the most damage. When it feels like I’m being bombarded time after time, it’s the enemy testing me. The enemy knows I can do good and will do everything in their power to prevent me from doing so. I haven’t lost my faith. If anything, it’s stronger.

I’m currently helping several people navigate through crises in their lives. I will not get into those. They are not my story to tell unless I get permission. I’m counseling them and guiding them through very difficult situations because that’s what you do as a friend and a Christian. Naturally, I sought some of Paul’s advice.

One of the situations that someone is currently dealing with is similar to a situation I went through. I went through that season of my life to be able to help her. I can empathize and understand, but I can’t comprehend everything because our lives are not the same. We have different backgrounds, upbringings, feelings, and we’ve gone through similar things, but I have not experienced exactly what she has gone and is going through. All I can do is support and guide her and pray that God will give her strength and send her on the right path.

When I first met Paul in 2019, he told me he saw me as someone who would guide women towards the Lord and be a person to build up others and be there for them in the darkest of times.

I didn’t believe him then. I was completely changing my life 180 and felt I was a hot mess express. How could I help or guide anyone?

A lot can change in five years. A lot can change in five minutes.

This week my father-in-law finally got the call on Monday that he was getting a new organ. He’s been waiting for decades. He was told he was going into surgery on Tuesday at 1 pm.

When my husband found out he had called me, the difficult thing was I started my new job that day, Monday and I currently can’t take time off. Tyler knew this prior to calling me and said we would talk when he got home.

He called Paul next. Paul helped Tyler process the myriad of emotions he was feeling. Relief, fear, grief, happiness, gratitude, are just a few. Tyler was then able to go over after work and help his father through his emotions and process that he was having major surgery which could have major complications, but it’s a blessing.

I couldn’t take Tuesday off. I told my trainer the situation and that if I went off camera it’d be because I needed to take an emergency call. I was told that was not a problem.

The surgery was rushed earlier than expected due to some complications that arose. My husband and brother-in-law barely made it in time to see my Father-in-law. Tyler FaceTimed me, so I could say hi and I loved him before he went under.

I prayed that God would give me the strength to stay strong for my husband, that my husband would not have a breakdown and be able to get through this. That my mother-in-law would be ok while her husband of 40+ years was in surgery that at any moment could go wrong. I prayed for my brother and sister-in-law. I prayed that my father-in-law, that after so many years of fighting these health issues and fighting for our country, he would fight just a little more and that he would be able to feel that he could live life to the fullest. I prayed for the donor’s family.

I reached out to Ladybug. We have an anonymous Prayer Warriors text message group. She sent out a prayer request for me.

I told God that I had faith. I regret anytime I’ve ever doubted him or felt that he had forsaken me during my trials. I hope I won’t again, but I’m human. I told him that I’m only manifesting a good outcome. Fear and faith can’t coexist. That’s the point of faith.

The surgery was successful. My father-in-law has a lot of rehabilitation to go through. He also will have to deal with survivors’ guilt. We’re not out of the woods yet, his body could still reject the organ. We have faith. We are praying for the donor and his family. But that donor made the choice to save my father-in-law and many other’ lives when he couldn’t be saved.

Paul was in contact with Tyler the entire time as well.

I’m writing this post for one reason. The words and support you give to a person don’t go unnoticed.

“No one comes into your life by chance. People come into our lives when we need them to. Our paths crossed for a reason. A need was met. Some will stay longer than others, but all should be embraced. Just as others will be what you need, you will also be what others need. Open your eyes, arms, and heart. -Joseph Andres

Paul came into my life to teach me and stays there to support me while I help others. He has made a great impact on me and my husband. He has been there through many of the rough patches of my life. He was there for my husband this week. We are not the only people he gives his time and support to outside of his already emotionally draining career.

Being a Christian isn’t something you can just say you are and automatically everything has changed. It’s a choice every day to grow and be more like Christ. Saint Ignatius is quoted as saying “I wish not merely to be called Christian, but also to be Christian.” I love this quote. Christianity isn’t judgment, it’s not forcing your beliefs onto others and condemning them if they reject them. It’s not a label. You can’t go to church once a week and act like a fool the rest of the time. To me, Christianity is stepping one foot in front of the other. Realizing, I’m human and I have flaws. That I have made mistakes, but I have been saved. It’s to be a good person, serve others, and know that my Heavenly Father is a loving God, and he is almighty.

I will continue to be the person people can turn to in the best of times and worst of times. I will continue to seek out a soul that maybe just needs someone to listen because nobody’s ever let them speak. Maybe, just maybe, I can be a portion of the person Paul has been to me.

Until next time, cheers🥂🍾

Faith Friend Hard life Relationship Support Trust

If you stumble, make it part of the dance.

July 4, 2024HealthWrite a comment

I did ballet for 16 years and was on pointe for about six. I loved dancing and still would do many of my exercises I.E. pliés, relevés, and tendu’s in front of my bathroom sink as I have been doing for the better part of 29 years. This may have driven Tyler crazy. “Why do you always feel the need to move?”

In 2021, a Pure Barre studio opened up near where I was living and I loved it. It’s a mix of ballet barre and pilates and is a great full body workout. I saw results within weeks. I was toning and loved to teachers and the community feel. Everyone was so supportive and we’d celebrate each other’s wins.

Then we bought a house and instead of a ten minute drive it was a 45 minute which became unfeasible with my job at the time. I had to quit something I loved and leave a supportive community of strong women. Life goes on.

I told Tyler recently that I wanted to join again since there’s a studio that just opened a bit closer to us. Closer means a 35 minute drive instead of 45. It happens when you can see the stars in the night sky. The difference is a little more flexibility in my schedule now. Then I looked at the prices. On top of the hour drive plus time for class it was going to cost almost 30% more than what I was paying in 2022.

If I wanted to I could have relooked at our budget, and been able to justify a membership. I don’t want to right now. If the time/travel and the inflation weren’t involved maybe I would’ve. I have other priorities.

I digress, I was speaking with my mother on Father’s Day about how my husband and I had this conversation and I was disappointed but it was logical and rational. She reminded me I was a professionally trained ballerina once upon a time and that I did classes relatively recently and can look up things on YouTube. I stated I know, I just need a barre and I’ve been looking at one for a few months just haven’t pulled the trigger on the purchase because of the narrative in my head to save money.

We basically have a home gym and our community has a gym that Tyler goes to for his strength training. Our fitness path was one of the ways our parents have helped us. My Nordic-track Treadmill is a decade old but still had the plastic wrap on and works perfectly fine. My in-laws never used it and knew I wanted one. They said if you can get it out of our house and into yours without needing our help you can have it. My mother had a stationary bike and stair stepper she wasn’t using. Mom also had weights and other accessories and Tyler got a pull-up bar at goodwill to put up so every time he goes in that room he has to do them.

Two days after the conversation with mom, My Booty Kicker Barre equipment set showed up on my doorstep. My mother surprised me because she knew how much confidence I had when I was doing those classes and how much I loved it.

I looked into on-demand programs to start off the right way and after a week of research decided on Physique 57 on demand. It’s $250 for the entire year which is a huge difference than almost $2000. As a plus it will also be covered by my wellness reimbursement. Physique 57 has many live and on demand training programs. They also have things for different skill levels and adjustments in exercise for people who have preexisting conditions such as pain that affects exercise. I enjoy it. I feel the part of myself from when I was a ballerina come back to me. I don’t have the sense of community I had with Pure Barre but I can do it in my bedroom and have the same results in my arms, abs, and legs. Cardio isn’t everything.

My Booty Kicker does kick my butt in case you were curious, since it’s been a while since I used a lot of those muscles. It folds flat when I’m not using it and fits under the bed.

Currently, I wake up between 4-5:30 am, I do have to make sure my husband wakes up and he is a bear sometimes. We’ll have coffee and eggs or Greek yogurt. I’ll do an hour barre class while he gets on the treadmill. He gets ready. This week since I’m off work, I have gone for my runs after he is done. I’m up to 5.75 miles. Slowly increasing my distance and pace safely. Then I will go back to my yoga mat by my barre and do a stretch and recovery video from the program. Hurting myself is not the point and will set me back.

When I start my new job this routine may change. I may go back to doing my runs in the evening, we’ll see. If I do it’s not that big of a deal because Tyler usually stop by the gym after work to do his strength training unless. We also make sure to take rest days and unscheduled rest days when needed.

I will admit there have been times I took my health for granted. Times I worked out but since I didn’t have a commitment, it wasn’t a priority so I made excuses. I was tired, would do it tomorrow. My husband did the same thing. Neither of us got out of shape. We didn’t love that we went from being super active people to a life of work. It also didn’t help us mentally to not have an outlet for stress.

We try to do the best we can everyday with our activity level and diet (nutrient-dense and packed with protein and about a gallon of water). As you get older, habits are difficult to change. One of my people told me that “you need to focus on yourself because if you don’t have your health you have nothing”. That was an impactful statement.

The point is we keep trying. We do it for ourselves and each other. We both consistently show up for in these aspects and that’s what matters. We consistently set time to say this is my time for me and that’s not selfish, that’s healthy. We made choices to love ourselves to be better for each other.

I highly encourage looking and seeing if you can tweak some of your routines to have healthier ones maybe give yourself a better mindset. My warning label is don’t do things for anyone else in this world. Do it for you alone.

You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone; that mindset is so toxic. I was stuck in that thought for years and it did nothing good for me. Nobody whose opinion should matter will care about what you look like in the gym or in bathing suit or if you eat and darn burger. There’s no such thing as “good foods” and “bad foods”. There are some food that will do more for your body than others. That’s why I love studying nutrition and how food powers your body.

Building healthy habits and routines takes time many people give up when they start because they put this timeline or number on themselves and things get in the way or you have a bad day or made a mistake. Give yourself some grace. For the longest time I didn’t give myself any. Then I decided I was born to be real, not to be perfect. I have bad days, bad runs, bad classes. It’s a stumble along the way.

Especially if you’re working, a caregiver, or a parent- you deserve grace and self love. Change isn’t easy and you can’t feel like a failure for doing the best you can and trying. As life progresses, my routines will have to be changed. I won’t have as much free time when I am a parent, my job may become more demanding, and while I am young as I get older there will inevitably become limitations to my mobility. I hope to always keep trying.

You do what you can do based on your life. My life is completely different than a parent of five who also works full time. Maybe the only thing that person can do it wake up a little earlier to have time to themselves in the am and think.

I don’t know your life, don’t know your needs- be it mental or physical. I don’t judge you for what you’re capable of or feasibly have the time to commit. I just hope you do something for yourself.

You carry so much love in your heart. Give yourself some.

It’s amazing what little changes in life and a different point of view will do for your mind and your confidence. Self confidence is a superpower once you start to believe in yourself magic starts to happen.

Until next time, cheers🥂🍾

Accountability Health life Self Care Work

Better Homes & Gardens

July 3, 2024lifeWrite a comment

We moved into this house two years ago today. We also stupidly decided to host a Fourth of July party the next day for our families. With moving boxes everywhere and little sleep. This year’s Fourth will be more low key. We’ll most likely go to the beach in our neighborhood and catch fireworks somewhere nearby on the actual holiday.

We’ll have our “party” with our friends on Saturday. Tyler will grill, everyone is bringing their own dish. We have yard games. To my dismay, from both a liability and safety stand point-my husband LOVES home fireworks. I’m more comfortable with a sparkler but that’s an argument I gave up five years ago. These fireworks will most likely be set off in the street (nothing flammable) as we did last Fourth and on NYE. Our back deck will be utilized with the fire pit and maybe a pitcher of my famous watermelon sangria will be made.

We bought at the right time at a great interest rate. We were at the point of giving up on house hunting. There’s something disheartening about bidding on house after house with our hefty deposit, good income, and personalized letter to the seller and getting outbid because people waived contingencies that with common sense shouldn’t be waived and the purchasers of said way overpaid. In fact, many of the houses we bid on prior to this one have been sold since we bought and the owner’s lost money. Those homes weren’t meant to be. We were supposed to find this house on a whim.

It’s beautiful, everything is updated, in a safe neighborhood and perfect for our first home. It’s not a perfect house. Is there such a thing? We didn’t get some things we wanted. The kitchen is lovely but small. We really need more cabinet space, which is more of an issue for my husband since his hobby is being a gourmet chef. We don’t have a laundry room- just a closet. It’s fine, but I’d love a utility sink. We’d both eventually like fourth bedroom or basement. I dream of hiring painters since it’s so much neutral gray or painting the entire house myself but that’s isn’t a top priority at the moment.

On the other hand, it is in a gated neighborhood, the HVAC, back deck and front porch vinyl rails were brand new when we moved in. All the appliances and hardwood flooring were new (which with animals not having carpet is a godsend- I love my mop/vacuum combo). All bathrooms were newly renovated. Our master suite is bigger than most, the room is huge and the master bathroom looks like a fancy hotel’s bathroom. It also checked off the garage, fireplace, soaking tub, and two sinks in the master bath so I wouldn’t have to share one with my husband on our “wants not needs” list. The ample yard space and neighborhood amenities are wonderful.

I did love that many of the light fixtures have sparkles on them. I am distracted by shiny things. We did get the chandelier from the same collection to replace the early 2000’s lantern chandelier in our foyer. If only my husband would actually get it installed. It’s been on his honey-do list for ten months.

We rock the estate sale, Facebook marketplace, and hand me down furniture chic. We did purchase some pieces brand new but I’d say 95% of the things in our house came from the latter. It’s not all necessarily our esthetic. Do we have many fabulous pieces that didn’t cost much, yeah we do. I wasn’t about to go spend 60k to furnish a house. On top of buying the thing and paying for a wedding.

We have paintings on the walls that I’ve painted or that Tyler and I have painted together in those couple date-night things. There are different cross-stitches my grandmother and mother spent months working on for me when I was much younger. They both made them to give to me when I did finally bought a house. When I saw the one my Grandmother made and got framed, I cried. I remember her working on it when I was in elementary school. She let me pick out some of the colors. She passed in 2015. After all those years, I had honestly forgotten those memories until I saw the piece. He has his pieces too, mostly football memorabilia and pop culture references to things he loves.

Instead of doing a unity candle at our ceremony, he and I chose to have a tying of the three strands ceremony to unite us. That’s on our wall. My first anniversary gift to Tyler was a map of the location of our first day and the night sky that night that came up the first day we moved in I believe. He insisted. Next to that is map of where we got married the our videographer sent us as a surprise. The way too expense wedding bouquet was preserved in a frame is also hanging. We’re working on hanging more pictures. We have the photos and the frames the issue is putting said photos in said frames and hanging them up. I’ll probably get it done in the next week.

I don’t love constantly cleaning the house. That’s the case anywhere you live. Mainly because I have a standard that I like. I finally get it now. I understand why my mom and dad wanted to come home to a clean house. After a long day of work, coming out of my office in to a messy house throws me into a spiral.

Oh and we’re most likely adding an English Cream Golden Retriever into the mix soon. More cleaning, Yay me! I do work from home at least.

Fortunately, we have a home warranty because as an owner of a house you’re responsible for everything. You don’t have landlord to call and fix things. That warranty saved us with the dang dishwasher. Even if I was upset about how long it took. The monthly fee for the warranty and the $100 per service saved us from needing to go out and purchase a new dishwasher. It’s also been helpful with any other appliance issue we’ve had.

Other fun we had as home owners came in January of 2023. I heard noises in our ceiling. Tyler called Orkin to come investigate. I think they quoted me $10k to get the flying squirrel out of the attic and then close up all the holes so animals can’t get back in. replace the insulation and disinfect. I told him to get out of my house. For the record, it’s not an attic to store things it’s for ventilation. In the two years we’ve been here, I’ve never gone up there. Our storage is a large crawl space the size of the house. I called Tyler to advise him of Orkin’s plan and quote and he said absolutely not. My husband called every wild animal rescue in the state until he came across someone who could recommend a guy to get the darn flying squirrel out of my attic. He got ahold of him and he happened to actually live in our neighborhood. He came over and inspected, put in one way doors to get the flying squirrel out of my house but not allow him back in. Then he sealed up anywhere that gave access to the outside. My husband and brother in law took on the project of cleaning everything out and redoing the insulation. It cost significantly less than ten grand.

We’re trying to keep up with things right now because it’s easier to maintain if you try to be proactive rather than reactive. Inevitably, there will be significant costs of homeownership we wouldn’t have if we had a lease. Things go wrong, stuff happens, things break, storms happen. It’ll be what it’ll be.

Our house isn’t perfect, but it works for us right now and we’ve made it home. In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs a home meets one of the first level of needs-physiological being a shelter and also ties into the second level of needs- safety and security. I would even say in some situations a home may add into the third level of of needs-love and belonging. We have so many memories in this house. I look forward to more both the good and the bad. This home would also work when we start to have a family.

We feel so blessed and I’m going to admit something that people don’t typically admit. I was wrong, my husband was right. I wanted to rent because homeownership scared me. With renting you don’t have to shell out $20k for a new roof or worry if your pipe bursts. He was against renting because at the end of the day all you had was a stack of receipts and no equity. We couldn’t afford our house if we tried to buy it today with the market how it is.

So many people would love to buy right now but the market sucks. Our mortgage is cheaper than rent in this economy. I understand why people feel they could never buy a house. Especially when the process itself is overwhelming and one of the biggest financial commitments you make. Not to mention the overall cost of living increasing with wages in general not increasing at the same rate. Speaking of which when did eggs become $5? Thanks inflation.

We both work hard, and have good jobs. We pay our bills, are frugal, very rarely go out, have emergency savings, retirement, investments, and we do put some money in our budget to do things we want. Living life does matter in the end it can’t be all work. I then review all of our budgets and assets with my certified financial planner every four months to confirm we’re on the right track of where we want to be.

We are lucky. Especially since he and I have both been in debt and lived paycheck to paycheck before. We’re comfortable. We’re not rich or anywhere close. I can’t go out and buy $1,000 Louboutin’s on a whim or book a trip to Dubai. We make it all work at the end of the day. I’m not tone deaf, I’m well aware there are people struggling. There are many who are in traumatic situations, struggling to make ends meet, single parents, health issues etc. There’s too many to reasons to list in this world of how and why someone could struggle.

Much of the reason I’m in the financial position I’m in is because my grandfather invested in my future and did put money away for me over the years through bonds and he made me a brokerage account which I was given at 21. It wasn’t a nominal amount but it was not a trust fund. I won’t disclose the number because it’s nobody’s business but mine. I’ve never touched it. I make my money work for me. The ROI I have made by not touching it the past ten years was well worth me not cashing it out to go buy car or an expensive vacation. I will use it when I retire.

My father made me put my paychecks into a 401k when I first got a job. We fought about this at the time, but am so glad he chose to not care if I was happy and angry at him cared more about looking out for my future. I continue to at least put enough for the company matched 401k. In seasons I’m able to do more than just what my company matches I do.

We both have wonderful parents. They weren’t rich, they worked hard and they supported us and helped us the best they could. Due to my family, I am in the position I’m in. I work and have worked hard, I’m not naive enough to not acknowledge that having a healthy loving family life growing up and parents who wanted their daughter to support herself and manage her finance helped me. The biggest thing my family has helped instill are the values that I live with to this day. When I started this blog years ago in my two bedroom apartment with a roommate. I stated I am my family’s legacy. My choices reflect on them.

Many people don’t have happy family life. Many people whose parents are in a position to support them will bail out their adult children so they never learn to take care to themselves or face consequences. That wasn’t either of our parents. Both of our parents thankfully took the stance you’re an adult, you screwed up, you fix it. I’ll be there to emotional support you but this is on you (add in chorus of I taught you better). I’m thankful for that. I’m thankful we had people who guided us in the best way they could in the way they knew how. Who made learn from my mistakes and deal with real life rather than shield me. Have they also made mistakes-who hasn’t? What parent hasn’t.

After college, Tyler’s parents let him stay at home under the condition he would put at least half of his paycheck into a savings account to purchase a house. I wish I had the foresight to convince him to move that into a high yield savings account but can’t go back. They didn’t have to do that, they didn’t have to help him.

I was in a situation where I needed to come back home and help due to some family things. I meticulous worked at saving money and paying down the debt I had from living in two of the most expensive zip codes in the country. They needed my help with many things, yes. They didn’t have to let me live rent free. I also didn’t love the situation, I love my parents it’s hard to move back home when you’ve been out on your own. Also, do you know how hard it is to go out on a date at 26 and say yeah I have a great job but I live with my parents. We were both afraid to disclose that information on the first date. 😂

We want children and we want to pay for their education, our parents are getting older, things unexpected happen such as layoffs or emergencies. Thoughts for our future go into many of our purchases and budgeting decisions. Reality is you’re never guaranteed anything. Life likes to throw in another ball when you think you’re doing well juggling what you have.

We love our home. It’s not a “Better Homes & Gardens” home, but we don’t plan on being here forever. Tyler wants to move in a few years because he believes that’s the best thing financially. When we would move he would want to possibly hire a property manager and rent it out for passive income. I’m not so sure about that. We’ll see when the time comes. To me, it seems like more work as well as risk than anything else but we’ll have that convo at the right place in time. Me, I’m day taking things day by day one step at a time. My days of setting timelines for myself are over.

Someone else is praying for what I sometimes take for granted. No matter how small those blessings seem I try to remember every day to count my blessings and make the most out of what I have. Society has us counting steps, lbs, calories, and money, how much would your perspective change if you counted something positive? I personally don’t want to forget to not appreciate what I have and have things turn into what I had.

Until next time, cheers🥂🍾

Family Finance House life

Growth and comfort do not coexist

June 30, 2024Friends, Hard Stuff, WorkWrite a comment

I had my last day at my job Friday. It was my choice. I resigned and left on great terms. They countered and offered me a promotion. My director advised me I was one of the only people he’s ever done that for. I greatly appreciated being valued but politely declined. There were reasons why I accepted the other offer other than the money.

In my soul, I would never feel right after giving someone my word and going back and telling them I used their offer to get a promotion. Integrity and my word means everything to me.

It was a hard choice to leave. Any job has pros and cons. I loved my company, I loved the team, culture, and my supervisor. My supervisor Hope is one of my “people”. She’s in my small inner circle. Now that she will no longer be my boss, I believe our relationship will become stronger. They say people don’t leave jobs, they leave bosses. I can say this wasn’t the case. It broke my heart to tell her I was resigning.

My husband and I talked over the offer for a long time before I accepted it. Ultimately, as much as I love my boss and the security I had in my job, the opportunity was way too good to pass up. On just the base salary, it will make a huge difference for us financially. That’s not including the benefits and the growth path this next job would take me. Many of those benefits align with goals for our marriage and our lives.

Going to a new job is also scary because you wonder will I be good? Will it be a healthy environment? Am I making a mistake?

I had a panic attack the night before I resigned. I told my husband I couldn’t do it. He stated “Linds, babe, you have to, or you have to tell X company you’re no longer starting, you made a choice, we discussed it. Don’t second guess it now that it’s here.”

I told Hope personally (well via zoom) because I couldn’t just send her a letter of resignation via email. That would’ve killed me and hurt her. It was a difficult conversation. She told me in the fifteen year she’d been a supervisor, she’s watched a lot of people leave; I’m the only employee she’s ever cried over losing.

It’s not that I’ve never quit a job before. Technically, this is my second successful career. I was in hospitality prior to Covid and went from an intern in college to being an Assistant Director at a major well known establishment by the time I was 25. I’m a hard worker, I’m a critical thinker, I do what it takes, and I’m eager to learn.

I had to change careers just prior to Covid. My family needed me, I had to move. I needed a job with stable hours instead of a constantly changing schedule and working an average of 90+ hours, while walking 20,000 steps a day and moving things heavier than I was. That was on top of managing guests, employees, and the office work. Leaving that job was hard as well. I loved my work. It was my passion. Most people aren’t passionate about their jobs.

There’s something about timing. They say everything happens for a reason. I loathe to be a cliché, it’s true. I didn’t know why I had to 180 degree change my life and I didn’t think it was fair at the time. I was frustrated, I moved up so far and achieved so much at so young.

Five years later, I know why I was forced to take a different direction. Had I not left that job when I did and switched to my current industry, I would’ve been seriously set back March of 2020. Hospitality took a huge hit with the pandemic. Many of my classmates, peers, and friends lost their jobs. Hospitality is starting to bounce back but it’s not where it was pre-pandemic. Although, to be fair is anything going to ever be where it was pre-pandemic?

What I thought was a roadblock was simply a detour to something better and the stepping stone to the life I have today. That decision gave me everything I have right now other than my family. It’s what allowed me to be sitting on my loveseat in my living room writing this post with Oreo in his basket next to me and Bellatrix at my feet. My husband is on the other couch next to me under the quilt one of his family friends hand-made for us as a wedding present.

Human beings as a whole prefer stability over uncertainty. Generally, we as a species fear change.

Part of me also felt like a “traitor” for leaving and had guilt. I’m not inexperienced or naïve. I know there are layoffs, and you can give your whole life to a company to be told to not let the door hit you on your way out. Many companies do what’s best for their bottom line. Granted, my company wasn’t that type of company. I was doing what was best for my family and future. Why was I feeling guilty over doing what I felt was right?

Fate is strange how it weaves things together over time. When I changed careers initially, I was at a large Fortune 500 company. I was lucky enough to be put underneath Ladybug. Ladybug is the main reason I’m so good at what I do today. She pushed me because she saw it in me. Even when I didn’t think I could do it. She pushed me to leave her and apply for a promotion, which I received. She didn’t have to. She could’ve kept me on her team continuing to make numbers better but that’s what a friend does. It devastated me to leave Ladybug.

That promotion in 2021, brought me to the supervisor, I just resigned from. For a very brief period. Hope was the trainer for my promotion at this big company and I was with her for about twelve weeks.

I did well in that new position and was moved to different teams in order to get a more rounded skillset for later in my career at that company. Unfortunately, there were many changes happening with the company at the time. Many that I didn’t necessarily agree with personally or even professionally. I kept my mouth shut and did my job. You don’t make waves in a company where you’re just number and you’re getting a 20% raise each year. It’s a chess game, and you have to learn how to play. They don’t care about your opinion. They care about your results.

The other thing that began happening was the culture started to change. It became a difficult working environment. I said earlier, integrity is a big part of who I am and what makes me. Other people don’t necessarily have the same values as you. People started to become cut-throat. Management changed their focus from trying to grow employees to managing by fear.

The results necessary to stay at the top which I met each month started to became almost impossible. I would freak out all month about my darn numbers for 25ish days. I would exceed the goal (which I was maybe one of three people to actually meet goal). I’d relax for a few days. Then the new month would start. It was a vicious and toxic cycle that was affecting me mentally and it was affecting my relationship.

Ivy said all I could talk about was work. My mom and dad were worried about me. My stress level was affecting my relationship with my soon-to-be husband. My life became my work, to the point where I’d log in hours early, Tyler would leave for work at a much more reasonable time. He’d get home from work. He’d ask me if I left my desk- the answer was typically no. He would sometimes turn off my laptop to force me to stop working. I would be so angry at him. The worst part was the supervisor and manager I had then encouraged this behavior because of my metrics. I was the “star employee”.

I ended up leaving that job before we got married. I work to live, I don’t live to work. Work is a part of my life but it is just a part. My job doesn’t define me and I am so much more than my title. I wanted to feel healthy, happy, and have less anxiety. If you don’t have your physical or mental health nothing else matters. I wanted a good marriage.

I can say my experience leaving that company from this one was very different.

The offer for the job I recently resigned from came in shortly after our honeymoon. It was a smaller company and I would learn significant different aspects of my industry. At a giant company, you’re siloed, it’s similar to a manufacturing line. For them it’s more efficient. In some ways, that’s wonderful. People become really excellent at what they do. Unfortunately, people are missing ¾’s of the puzzle so the big picture is never completed. This leaves employees at a disadvantage.

I won’t disclose my industry or what my job really entails for many reasons. You don’t need to know. That’s not the point of this post. What I will say is my industry would be considered essential, and it does affect the economy. You really have to understand the big picture and all the gears in place to comprehend and evolve because everything affects everything else.

At this smaller company, I learned so much of my industry. Handled things I never imagined or even comprehended needed to be done. These now seem so obvious. I experienced different severities of my job and even some handled classified legal files. I wasn’t a number, I was a person. Where everyone knew who I was. I was entrusted with things that my Lord, did they have faith in me. I felt valued. It was night and day.

Diane, the supervisor I started with at my most recent company decided to retire early. Similar to every other industry in this current economy, my industry went through layoffs around then. The big company I left last year had a massive one.

When I found out, I started reaching out to people I knew, grateful again for timing and that I had already left. After Ladybug, one of my next calls was Hope. She imprinted on me by being such a positive presence during my time with her. She also kept in touch after I left training and was there for advice. She was always a friendly face. Hope was laid off that day, after giving her life to that company for the better part of several decades.

I told her my current supervisor was retiring and I thought she’d be a good fit. I sent her the job post and Hope got an interview. I know from Diane there were several interviewees and as a small company they were looking for the right personality as well as qualifications. I also later found out Diane had worked with Hope at one point several years prior.

I was biased, and I prayed because I knew in my heart Hope was a great soul. I hoped that the reason I was put in another difficult situation (again just prior to my wedding – can you say stressed) was because of this. I had been moved out of difficult situation at a not ideal time again to better my life so I could help out someone later.

I’m an empathetic person, I cried when she told me she got it. I tell you all this back story because I stated earlier fate weaves things together. I later found out Hope originally trained Ladybug, who trained me. Ladybug and Hope were great friends, I was now under Hope.

As I had suspected, Hope was the perfect person for the job. She’s so positive in a very demanding and draining job where many people we deal with are not positive and are in difficult situations. She’s caring, she’s not afraid to jump in and help out. She wants to listen, she wants the working conditions to be the best they can be, she fights for her team, she has a listening ear and she give so much grace in an industry where there is no time for grace. Our jobs don’t stop just because we’re on vacation, sick, or had, a family emergency.

It wasn’t just me who felt an uplift when she joined as lead. The whole team felt it. My colleagues all think she’s the best supervisor they’ve had. No matter what meetings and responsibilities she has she’s there and will stand up for every one of us.

I became closer to Hope as the year went on and realized how beautiful inside and out she really is. She helped me through some difficult things I went through and I will never be able to thank her enough for that. She seemed to just know without me even telling her. I’d get an IM “go for a walk outside and get sunshine” or “take your lunch”. Well, she is a mom.

I never would’ve considered leaving my job if the company had more resources. That did lead to frustrations for me. I wish I could change myself in some aspects. But I’ll always be a Type-A perfectionist. I started to not feel productive even though I was and again those were timelines I put on myself. My company understood they didn’t have tools others did to make things move as quickly. I hate to feel behind, and no matter how much I worked, I still felt like I was barely treading water. It went from being a job I loved everything about to feeling so overwhelmed in a different way than I did at the toxic company. I felt like a failure. I’m not a failure, well at being short and to the point, yes definitely. But my job, no. With less resources it takes more time to work through systems, change processes, and get rid of inefficiencies. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

My smaller company expanded my knowledge and I soaked it up like a sponge. I guarantee you, I never would’ve learned a quarter of everything that I know now at the big company. The knowledge that was imparted on me has been invaluable and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that they entrusted me with many delicate things.

When a recruiter reached out, I hesitated and ended up saying why not? I didn’t believe I’d really get an interview or even expected an offer.

They offered me a higher position than the one I interviewed for. It was mainly due to my extensive knowledge I have learned at looking at things as a whole rather than just focusing on my cog in the machine. The opportunity itself is an exciting but challenging adventure that I am so excited about trying.

“You get a strange feeling when you leave a place, like you’ll not only miss the people you love, but the person you were at this time and place because you’ll never be this way ever again” -Azar Nafasi

Making a big change is scary, regret is scarier. Sometimes that means taking a chance and making yourself uncomfortable in the process. In the posts I share that I really dig deep into my thoughts, there is a common theme. You may not end up where you thought you were going but where you were meant to be and there are seasons in your life. We must accept the end of something in order to build a new beginning.

If it were just about the money, it would’ve been an easy choice. I felt guilt for leaving Hope after bringing her there. Stability is such a wonderful thing to have nowadays. Change is hard, but it’s necessary for growth. Embrace the sadness and uncertainty. There’s never a perfect time. Sometimes you have to dare to do it. Life’s too short to wonder what could’ve been. I don’t have a crystal ball. I won’t know if made the right decision until later. I know in my heart I made the best decision I could at the time with the information I had. That’s all I can do every day.

It’s weird because it’s so bittersweet. To be so torn. To want to stay, but feel the tug to go. I told myself I wouldn’t cry my last day. In my final one on one with Hope, she asked how I was doing. As I glanced at my desk with everything but laptop packed up, I cried. It was final and real. She told me that I would be great, I’ll never lose her, and she thinks I made the right decision even though she hates to see me go she was at peace now and understands completely.

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard” -Winnie the Pooh

I don’t think this is goodbye or that I’ll lose my relationship with Hope. I think the dynamic will change and we can become better friends as a result. I think that now I’ll be able to go have dinner with Ladybug and Hope together. Something that couldn’t have happened before. They will both always be my mentors and have been one of the many people who have embraced who I am and help me build upon that to be a better person inside and outside of work.

I sent my equipment via FedEx holding the tears back. You can’t start the next chapter if you keep re-reading the old one. I am so excited to see what the next one has in store for me.

To Hope, I am forever grateful for your patience, wisdom, and guidance. For allowing me to see the hope inside myself. She never tried to mold me into her own image but gave me a chance to create myself and guide me through on what I can do. Thank you for being my mentor. Thank you for all that you’ve done that you truly didn’t have to do. You could’ve shown up and did your job everyday. But you continue to choose to use your limited timed and energy to empower and encourage the colleagues I’m leaving.

Until next time, cheers🥂🍾

Change Friend Growth Hard Learning Relationship Supervisor Support Trust Work

Convos with one of my single friends

June 29, 2024Friends, Hard Stuff, RelationshipsWrite a comment

I met a friend for coffee. She recently went through a disastrous breakup with a loser she thought was “the one” and is dating again and told me all her dating horror stories and that’s she’s still hurt by her ex and asked how on earth she could find a guy and be married and happy. She’s one of my inner circle that knows my past. She wanted to know how I learned to have faith in other people again. I had to think on it for a good while before I could answer her.

Lord, have I been through some should’ve known better, should’ve listened to my parents, Taylor Swift drama. Things that broke my heart more than a few times and I’ve worked really hard to get past a lot of hurt and trauma.

Do I regret it? No, I think I needed to go through it all to become who I am and to have and appreciate the things I am blessed with. What I regret is the way we (my exes and I ) let the relationships end or that I wasn’t strong enough to end them sooner.

I would be single if I had not found Tyler. I work from home now unless I have to go to a trial or deposition. Online dating sucked. From my friend’s stories, it sounds like it’s only gotten worse. I’m not sure how I lucked out.

I’ll never say anything bad about any of my exes. In the words of Carly Pearce:

“I’ve got my side of the story and he’s got his side, too. So I ain’t gonna go and tell you what he did
But I’ll tell you what he didn’t do.

Treat me right, put me first, be a man of his word
Stay home ’cause he wanted to. Always fight for my love, hold on tight like it’s something that he couldn’t stand to lose. The devil’s in the details, I won’t tell the hell that he put me through.
All I know is in the end, it wasn’t what he did
No, it was what he didn’t do”

The first thing I said to my friend was to not settle because of arbitrary pressure she puts on herself for a timeline that is different for everyone. When she finds the right person, she won’t feel the need to beg, convince, or force. Things will feel easy, safe, and grounded. There’s no perfect person, we all have flaws and there’s no perfect relationship. At it’s core a healthy relationship with the right person should fundamentally feel natural.

You can’t make someone love you by giving more of what they already don’t appreciate. How you are treated is so much more important than how much you like someone. I had previously made the mistake of being so forgiving that I overlooked I was being disrespected.

I told her I thought she was putting too much on herself and part of that is because of our world today.

I was where she is mentally at one point. I had a plan. Be married by twenty-five, 2.5 kids by thirty, buy a house somewhere in between. Oh and have a successful career. Looking back it’s hilarious the anxiety and pressure I put on myself to be the perfect daughter, girlfriend, employee, just name it. Because once upon a time, a hot minute ago, thirty was old. Jeeze louise.

I met someone in my young twenties, he was it, and I did really love him. So stupidly so. In many ways, in that relationship and the one that followed after,I lost myself in the pursuit of trying to find happiness in others. That’s not the right way to go about a healthy relationship. You have to be happy with yourself. Nobody can give you happiness. True happiness comes from within. The only ever person I ever truly lost and needed back was myself.

That big heartbreak saved me. It was never supposed to work and I would’ve just kept on trying. The reality is sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows. I should’ve ended that relationship way before we ended. I was afraid. I didn’t want to admit that the relationship was a lesson. Despite the red flags and obvious flaws in our relationship. I pushed it. I tried to move forward with what I thought had to happen because of some arbitrary idea I had in my head of how my life should look.

I needed to stop fighting for something that was never going to work decided to fight to let go. I was starting over after I thought I had it all together.

I told her you can start over or late, lose it all, and fail repeatedly and still be great in the end. I told her in reference to her ex and the hurt she feels that there’s a quote that resonated with me with my breakups. “You didn’t love her! You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was good for your ego. Or, maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn’t love her, because you don’t destroy the person that you love!” -Dr Callie Torres, Grey’s Anatomy

The following relationship that I had after that nasty break up, I saw the signs and ended it before we got too far in. It still hurt, because we dated for almost a year. Not the same way as that initial crack in my heart. I didn’t want someone where I wasn’t the one thing they couldn’t stand to lose and I wouldn’t settle. I knew my worth. If you’re reading this and need the reminder- don’t be the chaser, be the one who’s chased. You’re the tequila, not the lime.

There’s a popular meme on Insta- losing someone that doesn’t respect or appreciate you is a gain not a loss. She has a heart of gold and has pure intentions. She didn’t lose anything, he did.

She wanted to call her ex and tell him everything he did and everything that she thought of him. I told her not to, there’s no point. Part of maturing is realizing silence is more important than proving your point. One day if she has no animosity towards him she can reach out to attempt to understand but in all reality she’ll never get an answer just like I never did and likely never will. And one day she’ll realize it feels so good to be so indifferent about a person you thought you couldn’t go without. To realize you hadn’t thought about them in a really long time.

One day she’ll be at peace and not feel the need for revenge or drama. She needs to live for today, not what yesterday had taken from her. She needs to be the confident, intelligent, kind, caring, beautiful, vibrant person she is. It’s her time to focus on herself and her happiness.

I forgave people who weren’t even sorry. That’s strength. I had to. Without me letting go, forgiving them, forgiving myself, forgiving the situation, and realizing that it was over, I couldn’t move forward.

The life in front of me is so much more important than the life behind me. I wasn’t going to give up on the woman I’d be in a few years, she was counting on me.

The biggest lesson, I’ve learned was to not bleed on those who didn’t cut me. I couldn’t allow my wounds to transform me into something I am not. It was a lot of self-love to learn how to trust again. Trusting takes risk. Just as in finance, you don’t make gains if you don’t take risks. I eventually took a risk on my husband.

I know my friend, I know she’ll do that. Sometime it takes hearing things you already know but don’t want to hear. In my heart, if the version of her five years from now could see where she will go, she’d be so proud.

I know this will happen for her in my soul. As I’ve gotten older I keep my inner circle small. I don’t show everyone my true me. The people I let in are the people who make me feel seen, heard, appreciated, supported, and loved. They’ve seen my good and my bad and we have similar morals. They know they can call me and I’ll be there anytime anywhere and I know the same of them.

God canceled my plans to save my life. He sent me in the other direction to avoid danger. He fights battles I don’t even know about. His plan is better than mine.

Sometimes things happen and you don’t know why until years later. I know now why I went through all the pain and hurt. I wouldn’t give up the relationships I had. They weren’t bad people. We just weren’t right for each other.

I wouldn’t have met my friend- one of my people, had the plans I had set for myself followed through. I wouldn’t have met many of the most amazing people in my life. I wouldn’t have pushed myself to be as healthy and as successful. I’d never have met my husband.

At the end of the day, had I known how much some things would hurt, I still would’ve had the dance. That’s how you live. It’s how you learn what you want and need.

There’s no secret, no magic wand or potion to make the pain go away. No fairy godmother to help you find the right person who will let you be you and accept you in every sense of the way. Time and faith is what did it for me.

When I hugged her before we left, I told her to “have faith things will work out, not how you planned, but how they’re meant to be”.

Until next time, cheers🥂🍾

Change coffee Exes Friend Grief Growth Hard Hurt life Love Relationship Support Trust

A good friend is a connection to life – a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world.” -Lois Wyse

June 26, 2024Family, Friends, life, RelationshipsWrite a comment

I’ve heard if you’re friends for longer than seven years that your friendship is for life.

I knew of Ivy and had met her several times throughout my life before we really connected in 2017 (seven years ago). We’re actually relatives.

Per her own speech at my wedding “Long story short, I’m Lindsay’s cousin, but if you really want to know the full story you can ask the bride herself and she’ll put out miscellaneous items on the table and display the who family tree”. Which is entirely accurate, I definitely did that in 2022. At her bachelorette party when one of her friends asked us what exactly the family relation was. It’s just so complicated, visual aids help.

Rewind seven years ago; I was 24 years old and was living in a two bedroom apartment close to a major metropolitan city at the time. She reached out to me because she had received a prestigious internship for the summer in said city and wanted advice on finding an apartment in the city. I knew immediately nobody not creepy was going to rent a petite 21 year old female a space for less than three months that was going to be safe for a reasonable price.

I told her I had an extra room and I’d rather her stay with me in a safe area, with security, near the metro station so that if she needed anything I could be there. I only needed to confirm with the person I was living with at the time. In all honesty, I didn’t think it be an issue with them if she stayed with us. I was correct; they did not have a problem and encouraged it for many of the reasons I wanted her to stay. I told her she was good to stay for the summer, no rent. She refused because she didn’t want to impose. We went round in circles for about three hours until I basically said I insist that’s what family is for.

Our other mutual cousin Aubrie actually ended up reaching out for similar advice for her internship a few days later and I offered her the same as long as Ivy was cool with sharing room. You do for family. Neither Ivy nor I became as close to Aubrie that summer. That wasn’t our choice, we didn’t leave her out, she preferred to do her own thing in the city. I felt better though because I could check to make sure they both made it home each night and that they had food to eat. Caring too much has alway been both a strength and weakness for me.

My father taught me if you’re in a position to help someone you should and I was fortunate to be in that position.

Inviting Ivy into my home was one of the best choices I made in my life. Again, I knew of her, but we weren’t close prior to that summer. Previously, we saw each other at family gatherings. We were in different states and different parts of our lives and never connected.

Ivy is the Monica to my Rachel, the Christina to my Meredith, the Rory to my Lorelei. Yes, I know I just aged myself with those references. She’s my person, she will always be my person.

We spent the summer working and we explored the city together. We got to know each other dancing and singing to Backstreet Boys (amongst other bands and singers), watching Gossip Girl, she baked a ton of cupcakes which never lasted very long and talked about anything and everything and played with Oreo and Bellatrix.

I cried the day she moved out….. We’ll rewind a bit further here. I’m an only child who always wanted a sister. My mother wasn’t supposed to have children and was lucky to have me. Ivy is the sister I never had.

The woman amazes me everyday and we rarely see each other in person (We still live in different states). I watched her go from freaking out about her future and last year of college to being a powerful career woman who kills it at work. I watched her say she was never getting married or even dating because “men suck” to being happily married to the perfect man for her.

She’s graceful, organized, intelligent, caring, sarcastic and somehow balances everything effortlessly. When she reads this she’ll yell at me about how wrong she thinks I am. (We’re very similar people).

She supported me through a disastrous breakup, me completely changing careers, and online dating. She helped Tyler pick out my diamond, design my engagement ring, and plan the proposal. She was there for the toxic work drama, stress of buying a home, wedding planning. And more importantly, she’s been there to support me on my health journey.

I was there through her senior year, finding a job, meeting her husband -which by the way all I got was “Idk he’s actually really, really handsome, actually funny and he does have a job” (I may have been in protective sister mode but I liked him from the start for her), her wedding and work stress. I’ve supported Ivy through other struggles and things as well over the past seven years but those are not mine to share. I will continue to support her through anything and everything. She knows I’m a text or a phone call away and I’d be on a plane or in my car driving to be there as soon as possible.

We basically talk almost every day. I mean we do have jobs, husbands, houses to keep up with, animals, parents, and in-laws. Sometimes things get in the way. Even when we do have weeks we don’t keep in touch, we pick right back up. We’re anywhere from cheerleaders, vent sessions, to the really hard stuff. She and I are open books. I don’t show my true full self to many people and she knows everything and she really doesn’t open up to many people. I can’t say I know everything. She is a very private person. I am honored that she trusts me to talk about the real stuff that she does share and I will never break that trust.

We do the fun stuff too. Either just talking or when we can coordinate seeing each other. Halloween parties in her old apartment, I drove down for her to try on wedding dresses, she flew up for my dress search, bachelorette parties in two different beaches, duckpin bowling, brunch, and late nights talking or playing card games.

We’re also the people who are completely honest with each other and will state stop overthinking, being stupid, and breathe. I know if I ask her opinion, I’m going to get a blunt answer, whether I like it or not. I don’t tend to hold back with her either. Sometimes a friend is the person that tells you what you don’t want to hear, but need to.

We were MOH in each other’s weddings. During planning periods we each tried our best to calm each other down and psych each other up. The nights before each of us got married we had an us only girls night and did face masks and somehow got the other one to actually get some sleep. We spent each day-of getting ready and confirmed each other ate and drank water. We took each other’s phones so that any issues came to the other person and not the bride.

Both of our mothers are older and tried to get us into our dresses, but ultimately couldn’t do the small buttons on the crazy expensive pieces of linens and lace or hook the pearl necklaces. So we stepped in. You know, all the things that your best friend does. There were hiccups at each wedding and I tried my best to calm her and she efficiently calmed me. At the end of the day, each wedding was a party, it was glitter, what mattered was that she married her husband and I married mine.

She convinced me to buy my darn Cinderella shoes. Since I was twelve, I dreamed of crystal Louboutin’s or Jimmy Choo’s whenever I got married. Jimmy Choo came out with the perfect Mary Jane’s the season I found my dress. The strap being covered in pearls. I’m a super vintage pearl girl. I had the money, I couldn’t quite bring myself to spend that much on shoes. Not when I was paying for the wedding myself.

Everyday for a year, this woman texted me “did you buy them?”. Her argument was I had wanted them for eighteen years, I only get married once, I can and will wear them again, I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t, and I never buy anything for myself. Fed up with me, she told me she would buy them if I didn’t. I wouldn’t let her do that, she knew that. That mischievous minx, she played me… I went on the site and they happened to be on sale! Jimmy Choo rarely does sales. I took that as a sign and bought the shoes. She was right, as she most often is, I would’ve regretted it had I not worn them during my ceremony. Poor her, had to help me in them underneath my giant train of lace. When they were on she said “See I told you, perfect!”.

She runs, and has been running longer than I do, for over a decade. Her PR will always be better than mine but it doesn’t matter. I don’t compete with my friends, we win together. Plus there’s just no comparison she’s too good 😂. Compared to me she’s an elite runner. If I ever get over 11 minutes a mile consistently I’ll be surprised. She’s about an eight minute mile-ON A BAD RUN. The woman did a marathon. I’ll never do that, don’t really have a desire to. She laughed at me when I complained that my Apple Watch was off sync to my treadmill.I got an “I told you so”. I pray she is always able to continue her running. I know how much peace her running gives her.

What amazes me the most about her is how pure her soul is to the people she loves. How little she needs and asks for. How much she loves and gives. Lastly, how kind she is. She may complain to me later- I mean who doesn’t talk stuff to their friend. Ultimately, she’s a really honest, humble, fabulous person.

I love she found someone who supports her and loves her as much as her husband does. That they make the most of the good and the bad. I am so thankful she found her partner. They seem to always remember the choice they made the day they got married to put each other first. She deserves nothing less.

Because of her, I laugh a little harder, cry a little less, and smile a lot more. Things are never quite as scary when you have a best friend to turn to. Even if it’s just a text or phone call because we can’t physically meet for coffee unless we coordinate a lot of life things. Distance means so little when someone means so much. She knows all of me but still chooses to love my crazy self.

My friendship with her isn’t one big thing- it’s the million little things. She makes the good time better and the hard time easier. I really hope I do the same for her because our relationship has never been a one way street. However, I can’t speak for her.

Sometimes, I think she knows me better than I know myself. I don’t know what I did to deserve her in my life. I’ve said it before, choices have ripple effects and thank God she reached out to me on a whim in 2017. Thank God I was in a position to help. They were pieces in this puzzle called life that helped create the bigger picture I slowly get to see.

The most beautiful discovery true friends can make is to be able grow separately without growing apart.

On the day she got married, I prayed that her good times would come in abundance, her bad times would be few and far between and that her life would be filled joy and laughter. That is still part of my prayers each night.

I say I love you to my inner circle all the time because you never know when it may be your last chance.

Ivy, I’d walk through fire for you. Well not fire, that would be dangerous. A super humid room… but maybe not too humid because you know… my hair.

Until next time, cheers🥂🍾

Change Family Friend Fun Growth life Love Relationship Support Trust Wedding

Life’s a wave, catch it.

June 23, 2024lifeWrite a comment

Today is Tyler’s 29th birthday. He couldn’t figure out what he wanted to do. I threw out so many suggestions. But nothing seemed to be just right. Yesterday, in this crazy heat wave, he had mentioned today would be a good pool day. This made me think and ask “Well, do you want to do the water park tomorrow?” That was it. His eyes lit up.

He said the last time he went there for his birthday was when he was five.

We live in between two major cities. It’s a nice location because it’s thirty minutes to either city, but our house is in a rural but gated community with wildlife and no light or sound pollution. #lakelife. We’re also twenty minutes from a major amusement and water park. It made sense to get passes to the park because they were relatively cheap even with inflation, it’s close and it gets us out of the house and moving if anything.

We’ve already gotten our money’s worth out of the passes this season and it also includes their Halloween and Christmas events.

We both grew up in this area and grew up going to this park. Nostalgia is weird. Some things are the same but tweaked differently because I started coming here in 1998. Some things I remember and loved are completely gone and new things have replaced them. I’ve seen this park in all stages of my life.

As a five year old where everything seemed so large and colorful with my mom and my fellow Girl Scouts riding the kids rides and having Dippn’ Dots. As a teenager in the summer with my girlfriends, riding the coasters then hanging by the wave pool reading CosmoGirl in their attempt to get a tan. I don’t tan, I have porcelain skin, my chair was in the shade. Once in my early twenties my guy friends held a towel over my head in the pouring rain yelling “make way for the empress” as a joke to prevent me from getting wet as we ran out of the park. They failed to keep me dry, it was a monsoon-but we still laugh about it. I even came here with my husband and some of my friends of 15+ years in 2019 to the Christmas event. He and I had just started dating, we went two days before I got the news my grandmother passed away.

It’s strange seeing things change as time passes. It brings up emotions and memories from all the summers I’ve spent here.

Ever the adrenaline seeker, My husband wanted to start with all the water slides, of course. We were both disappointed the Tornado had been taken down years prior, I had loved it. I will admit carrying the raft up those stairs for said ride sucked but he never got a chance to ride it. Today my favorite was the big raft water slide that’s make you feel that you’ll go over the edge. Maybe I also liked it because he ended up being backwards the whole ride and his face was hilarious.

His favorite was the enclosed slide that drops you straight down. I refused to go on it. I’ll try most things but theres something about being in the dark, free-falling in an enclosed space that I just can’t do.

The lazy river is the same as always. I remember that was always mom’s favorite when I was little. Tyler decided it would be hilarious to aim our float so that I was directly under all the waterfalls. Men.

We scoped out our spot at the wave pool. Nothing makes you feel more short than pools. At 5’3, I don’t have much until I’m having to tread water. Especially when the big waves come out and my husband has to go to the deep end. I got my workout in.

Sometime it’s nice to just let go and have day filled with joy and happiness. We forgot about the house, and our jobs, and just acted like we were two teenagers on date.

Sunlight also gave us our dose of Vitamin D. Sunlight helps to improve your mood, boost your immune system, relieve pain- I’m not WebMd, go look up the facts yourself. What I can say is that on a difficult day of work, I’ll go out for a walk in my neighborhood to get some sun and fresh air. I feel better during the walk.

He and I have to be careful with our sun exposure. We go through bottles of specialty sunscreen, so we don’t burn as he’s Irish-American and I’m blonde haired, blue eyed and turn pink in about ten minutes.

I sat by the wave pool and read my kindle for a bit while he went and did more water slides. I hope that one day I’ll get to bring our future kids here. They won’t have the same experience that he and I experienced but then again he and I experienced the park and water park differently because of our family and friends. This park was an important part of growing up for both Tyler and me. I’m thankful that now we’re in a place where we’re able to experience it again together, through different eyes. We can make new memories as we did today.

Oh, and Happy Birthday babe.

Until next time, cheers🥂🍾

Fun life Marriage Relationship

Happily ever after is not a fairytale. It’s a choice.

June 22, 2024RelationshipsWrite a comment

Tyler and I met in person on windy November day. We decided to get coffee at Hyperion Espresso. I told my dad I would be back in an hour as I was just going out on another date. We ended up spending the entire day exploring the city . I did keep my dad and a girlfriend informed and they had my location from my phone.

Before we met, I’d reached the point that I wasn’t even trying to find “the one” anymore. I didn’t think it existed, I had been hurt and destroyed to my core before and wasn’t really interested in having it done again. I downloaded Bumble just as a way to get out of the house without going to work. If I happened to meet someone great, but,I was happier having no expectations and assuming I was going to be drinking wine with my little black cat for the rest of my life.

We matched, he was cute, had a job and his profile wasn’t obnoxious, plus he had a cute dog. I later found out said dog was his brothers and he’d used Bandit because “girls like dogs”. It’s become a joke because he’s in marketing and I say he falsely advertised and he says “I knew what I was doing and I still got the girl”.

I was an open book, told him about my past, insecurities, hopes and dreams. I expected him to walk away. Even told the man he’d have to get an iPhone because I almost didn’t date him because of his green messages. He said to me “I’m still sitting here.”

The label came about after a month our first date and after he brought me a blooming Christmas cactus to my work. Who brings someone a plant that they have to take care of? Roses, normal people bring roses. I haven’t killed Audrey yet (going on five years) dad named her after “Little shop of Horrors”. My father has an interesting sense of humor. She’s sitting in the windowsill next to the soaking tub in my master bath. She starts to bloom beautiful pink flowers from two weeks before Thanksgiving to Mid January.

We had a mutual love of Christmas lights, joined a church in January 2020, spent the weekends going different wineries and botanical gardens. During the weeks, he would surprise me with cookies, roses, and on my birthday he brought to my work’s security office an overly embarrassing Frozen balloon bouquet that was taller than me. It had an Olaf Piñata attached to it with chocolate liquers in it. One of my best friend’s remembers me shoving them into my purse and yelling “I’m going to kill him” because I couldnt have liquer at work. It’s one of her favorite work memories. I know because we laughed about it last night when we met for dinner. She actually did fall on the floor laughing.

Shortly after my birthday, the pandemic happened. We ended up having a long distance relationship though we lived 30 minutes apart. He would call me every night and we’d have movie dates. I’m on the phone all day at work so I wasn’t super psyched to be on the phone for another 30 minutes but it became routine.

Fast forward to the new normal… we’re able to go out again. We enjoy the summer and went to the beach with his family. We went to North Carolina and saw my cousin Ivy (pseudonym) and her fiancé for Halloween. Ivy and I went wedding dress shopping for her and of course she looked perfect in everything. I visited with my grandfather whom I hadn’t seen in almost a year. The holidays are a whirlwind as always. Next thing we both know it’s 2021.

We both took major steps in our careers, we both tried to save money and were each building a nest egg. Still are years later.

November 7, 2021, I took my first vacation in almost two years. Tyler’s company had planned a convention in my favorite place Walt Disney World. His company cancelled it but we still went. Magic Kingdom was our first stop. Right before the fireworks he pulls out a hand carved box with the castle on it and fireworks and starts his speech. I’m in shock, I knew it was coming- but I did not think we would get engaged at Disney because “you won’t do it a Disney because it’s too obvious, you would expect me to expect you to do it there”. I interrupted his speech a few times saying “oh my God, are you proposing”. I said yes and I cried and we watched the fireworks afterward and spent the rest of our vacation celebrating. Ivy was in on the whole thing from the ring to the proposal planning and anxiously waited all day for me to call. I can’t believe it’s been almost three years since that amazing day.

Tyler and I decided to make another big step in our future and start looking at houses. Boy, between the stress of a promotion, wedding planning, and the housing market early 2022 was a trial. By April, we gave up on finding a house. We decide to go out and recreate once of our first covid dates at a tea room. Something in my heart told me to look at the zip code that our date was in. There was a house, and our realtor got us a showing prior to our reservation. We put an offer in and it was accepted!

We painstakingly moved in without taking any days off from work- maybe we love suffering? But it slowly came together and we created routines, and cleaning schedules, and adjusted to living together. I am constantly vacuuming and cleaning especially with four cats. Roomba is the best present my parents got me. Our house isn’t perfect, there are things we’d like to change, but it’s lovely, updated, and in a safe neighborhood. Most importantly, we’ve made it home.

Tyler and I started taking ballroom dance classes for our first dance and actually continued after our wedding as a date night. He sort of only did it to make me happy but he now enjoys learning the different dances and when we go out and there’s live music, we dance.

The first year of holidays in our house were interesting. We (naively) decided to host everything. It was fun, albeit chaotic and challenging. I’m terrified to see my living room at Christmas after we have kids given everything my in-laws brought.

We started hosting parties with our friends and entertaining. Upon reflection, it’s because I still love planning events and it’s my way of being creative while working an office job. Sitting on our porch by the fire pit has brought some of the best memories with some of our friends and family.

2023 was a whirlwind of work and wedding planning. Thank the lord for Cheyenne, our wedding planner, because I would’ve lost my mind. Luckily we were at the point where it was fun, design meetings, flowers, tastings, linens, name it. Writing the checks for everything was less fun. So was figuring out the guest list.

I can honestly say looking back on the process of looking for and buying the house, planning a wedding, while handling demanding stressful jobs. He and I are strong. To follow up on something I said earlier, he did get an iPhone 😂.

Tyler surprised me with Carrie Underwood tickets for Valentine’s Day and I sang my heart out to “Denim and Rhinestone’s “ and “Pink Champagne” at her DC tour stop. We got home at two am and both worked the next day (what’s a day off?). Little did I know that it wouldn’t be long before I saw her again, as two weeks later, my future father-in-law got us tickets to see her again in Charlottesville because he knew how much I loved her.

I turned 30 in March 2023. I celebrated the day of with my future husband, parents, and friends from our local “Cheers” bar. My friends and future husband took me out that following Saturday to indoor mini-golf with cocktails at Swingers DuPont and my girlfriends and I had one too many mimosas at brunch that Sunday. Which my lovely future husband drove us to and picked us up. I really don’t deserve him.

My bachelorette was at the beach and my girls and family made it the most amazing weekend on the gulf coast with my some of my favorite people. Doing multiple activities, sitting on the beach, and staying up late with champagne talking and playing Girls Night Out. I got a chance to drive a tiki boat and didn’t hit anything. don’t tell the operator’s boss.

I will admit the bachelorette weekend started with a hiccup- as I was running to catch my flight in Nashville. I received a call from my future husband that he couldn’t find my cat when there was nothing I could do as I was boarding a flight. Spent the whole flight stressing. She was definitely in the house when I left- I had said goodbye to all. She’s never been outside. He did find her hiding in some box he overlooked. Matron of Honor Ivy sent him a message saying “don’t text Linds with any issues, let me know, she needs to relax”. He was freaked out though and I forgave him for the stress he caused.

I never felt more surrounded by beautiful souls than at my bridal shower at a winery. My matron of honor made it truly special with her OCD planning and my family and in-laws really showed me how truly blessed I am with the women in my life. He had a fun time at his bachelor party, I think they went to a casino and dinner where he could have steak and shrimp- he doesn’t eat shrimp around me because I’m allergic.

Tyler and I had a perfect wedding. There were definitely some bumps. Nobody could figure out how to tie Tyler’s bow tie because it was super skinny rather than a traditional one. He borrowed my dad’s and my dad wore his extra, a bridesmaid got a nosebleed before walking down the aisle, but the goddess assistant got the blood out of the dress so she was able to sneak in during the ceremony and see us be married. My dress bustle came undone and I’m a big dancer so Cheyenne took a staple gun and literally stapled this expensive dress’ bustle together. I didn’t care. It didn’t matter. What mattered is that I married him.

The ceremony was perfect, it was us. Faith has always been a big part of our relationship and that was the center of our ceremony. We did a first look prior and we wrote our own vows. Our first dance was choreographed, I felt like a princess at a ball. I danced with my grandfather and he said “I hope you’re always as happy as you are right now”.

The speeches made me laugh and cry, the food was fantastic. Everyone raved about the Krispy Kreme flambé bar and the dance floor was full the entire time. My dad finally gave into me pushing him to dance with me which had been a battle. We danced to “The Girl you think I am”. The men loved the 1920’s styled cigar bar. We had some tasteful Disney accents. The entire venue and floral were “chef’s kiss” per my Aunt. For Ty’s touches he through a mini football instead of a garter (no way was that happening), TARDIS cuff links and I got a 1952 Rolls Royce Silver Cloud get away car which was my surprise to him. At the end of the night we left so happy with a private last dance and sparkler exit.

We went on our honeymoon in Mexico and enjoyed the beach, pool, food, and activities. There was a fun foam party where I was able to obtain a rare flamingo float. We went to the spa for a massage and I about died when Tyler said “what do I do for 80 minutes, bring a book?”. I may or may not have obtained a diamond ring pool float one night that a bachelorette party had left and the attendant basically said “here babe, congratulations”. It was lovely to sit and relax and just enjoy time together after what felt like nonstop movement for years. I still miss that hammock on the balcony overlooking the aqua blue water.

Tyler and I try to stay on top of the never ending work, house cleaning, staying healthy and fit, and so many cats. We’re getting an English Cream Golden Retriever- if Tyler puts in a fence. That’s was my requirement when I put down the deposit for the dog. Which means I’m going to be out there in the hot July sun building it with him.

We have date nights, we make time for us, we go to pumpkin patches, and see Christmas lights, pick strawberries, he likes arcades, or we’ll hang out by the lake on a pretty day. Sometime’s we’ll put a song on and dance in our kitchen.

His relaxation is cooking, I can’t tell you the last I actually cooked a meal. To be honest, he makes food better than most restaurants and my girlfriends hate/love that I have a “personal chef”. He makes me coffee and eggs every morning.

Laundry is constantly being done by me. I swear my husband can’t tell the difference between a dark and white even though I have a laundry sorter. But he has learned if he helps, my clothes, especially exercise clothing don’t go in the dryer.

After hosting all holidays in 2022, we had a quiet Christmas with just the two of us and it was a wonderful day. We’re creating our our traditions and finding what works and doesn’t.

This year has brought some challenges, I have a lot of anxiety and didn’t feel like myself. I’m usually pretty bubbly. I started to have vertigo, jaw pain, and tennitis which severely affected my mental health. After way too many specialists, I learned I have TMJ and found a dentist that is fixing it. It sucks by the way, don’t recommend, but I’m getting better. I couldn’t have gotten through it without Tyler. They say in sickness and in health and the man really stepped up seven months into marriage when all this started happening.

My in-laws gifted us a trip to Universal Studios Orlando for all the things my husband does to help them around the house when they are on the road in their RV. We spent most of our time in both Harry Potter worlds. It was a quick weekend trip but I think it was a break from ordinary life we needed.

We celebrated one year with competitive indoor min-golf (I won, in four inch heels and a tight dress), had a lovely dinner, and ended with a cocktail at a bar overlooking DC.

His 29th birthday is tomorrow and he still doesn’t know what he wants to do and we still need to book our Nashville trip for later this year.

My life isn’t perfect, we’re not perfect. This post is from my point of view, I guarantee you Tyler has some grievances about me. Mainly being I’m too hard on myself. The only constant is change. The twists and turns have brought me here today.

How someone makes you feel is more important than what they say. He makes me feel beautiful inside and out and that I am the only person that matters. He makes me want to be a better woman. Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience, understanding, and two people who truly want to be together. We won’t always be happy, we’ll have trying times again. I know that we’ll both keep fighting for what we have. Marriage isn’t a Disney princess movie.

So I sit here in our house, Bellatrix is at my feet, Luna is behind my head, Oreo is in his basket. Not sure where Marvel is, she’ll turn up. I’m having a cup of coffee that my husband made with our espresso machine and we’ll watch the latest episode of a tv show we’ve been watching.

I’m so glad that that I found things I didn’t know I wanted and wasn’t looking for. As I look back at my life, I realize every time I thought I was being rejected by something good, I was actually being redirected to something better. Thank God for unanswered prayers.

Until next time, cheers🥂🍾

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